


Sick Game

by distorted_knot



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Rape Aftermath, Rape is with one of the kidnappers and is offscreen, This is so melodramatic i just like crying boys okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 02:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20418263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distorted_knot/pseuds/distorted_knot
Summary: Seventeen had been kidnapped. Some of them had already been hurt.Joshua had been unable to sleep. He had a dark premonition, a deep, dreadful weight in his chest, that something worse was to come.Then, they are given a choice. A curse disguised as kindness: a role in this sick game. An impossible, cruel decision. But someone has to make it."Jeonghan," Joshua heard himself say, looking over at the man as he heard the others gasp. "I volunteer Jeonghan."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While this fic can be read on its own, it was inspired by and references the events of elenoe1's fic ["We'll get through this together"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476467/chapters/38586017) up to the end of chapter 4, so be sure to read that first to get the full story! I wrote this while waiting for them to update (which they recently have, yay!), and by no means do I intend to infringe upon their work.

Joshua woke up with a strangled gasp, beads of sweat sticking his hair to his forehead. He stared into the dim surroundings, breathing frantically, trying to get his bearings. One of the other boys was curled into his side. It took him far too long to recognize that it was Vernon. But that wasn't who he was looking for. Who he needed to check was safe. He sat up carefully, trying not to disturb his dongsaeng. 

"Jeonghan?" He whimpered, a dreadful feeling setting his heart racing.

"Shua?"

He jumped. His eyes searched for the source of the voice, heart thumping wildly in his chest. From an upper bunk, the next bed over, he saw Jeonghan blinking sleepily down at him.

Joshua stumbled out of bed, Vernon making a disgruntled whine at the loss of warmth. He stood, staring at Jeonghan with sleepy confusion. 

"Are you okay?" Joshua asked him, cautiously, voice cracking at the end. His eyes were shining.

Jeonghan reached forward, brushing his hand against Joshua's forehead, smoothing his bangs back. "What are you talking about, Shua? I'm as good as I can be," he trailed off, glancing around the room. He turned his gaze back to Joshua. "Did you have a bad dream?" 

Joshua looked around, sorting through what exactly he remembered. This wasn't their dorm. They'd been kidnapped, and locked in this room. Waiting for the moment when their captors would once again come to taunt and terrify them. That much he knew. Some of them had been hurt… yet Jeonghan was fine, they hadn't signaled him out yet. But when Joshua had awoken, he was so concerned for Jeonghan specifically.

Taking a deep breath, Joshua tried to calm his racing heart. The dream he had awoken from had already faded from his mind, leaving only the anxious clench in his chest. "I can't remember," he admitted, feeling a little foolish. 

Jeonghan smiled sleepily down at him. "You should go back to sleep."

"I doubt I could," Joshua admitted with a sigh, his entire body still aching from worry. He turned back to Vernon to adjust the blanket around the sleeping boy. He stood, glancing at the other bunks where each of the other boys slept. 

Above Vernon, Jun and Chan were cuddled together, Chan attempting to be a sorry attempt of a big spoon. 

He moved his gaze back to Jeonghan, who had Jihoon resting against his side, the younger boy asleep, hand grasping loosely at Jeonghan’s shirt. He would be so embarrassed if he knew he was being so clingy. 

The bunk below Jeonghan contained Seungcheol, contorted in the thin cover. His brow was tightly knitted, and Joshua gently pressed his thumb into it to massage it away. After their leader had dozed off, the members let him have the bunk alone, since they knew the oldest had been pushing himself too much. It would do no good if the sleep he did get was ruined by tense nerves. Joshua carefully manipulated Seungcheol's limbs until they were in neutral positions, and fixed the blanket to better cover him.

"Ahh, Joshua, what would we do without you," Jeonghan laughed, breathy and light, as he watched Joshua fuss around like a mother hen.

Joshua smiled and moved onto the bunk next to Seungcheol, which contained Mingyu and Seungkwan. Mingyu, one of the members who had been most hurt thus far, had his arm wrapped around Seungkwan. Earlier had been emotionally taxing on the smaller boy, who felt responsible for Mingyu's injuries. Joshua smiled down at them, tenderly running his fingers through Mingyu's hair, causing him to stir and stare sleepily up at Joshua.

"Oh, sorry," Joshua pulled his hand back, sheepish at being caught.

"Wasn't sleeping," Mingyu mumbled, only half lying, a small smile alighting on his lips. 

Joshua carefully sat down at the edge of the bed, resuming his caress of the larger boy's hair. "How are you doing?" 

Mingyu hummed in response, eyes heavy. "Tired. But I can't really sleep," he admitted.

"We don't know if you have a concussion," Joshua mused aloud, leaning towards him. "Let me see your eyes." 

Mingyu sighed, but widened his eyes for Joshua to observe, "Not much we can do about it if I do."

Echoing his sigh, Joshua thankfully did not notice anything of note. Not that he really knew what to look for. Dilated pupils? At least they'd managed to clean his wounds up, so all they could really do now was keep an eye on him.

Speaking of which... Joshua looked over to the next bed, which contained Minghao. They didn't know if he was concussed either, but he'd already been kept awake for so long. By now they would have known if anything was wrong, right?

Joshua looked back at Mingyu. "Try to get some sleep, ‘kay?" 

Mingyu nodded, already dozing off. He squeezed Seungkwan closer to his side. 

Joshua moved along to Minghao; now that he was closer he noticed that Seokmin was spooning him from behind, face buried in the crook of Minghao's neck. He smiled fondly down at them, and carefully reached down to gently push back Minghao's hair for a glimpse of the wound on his forehead.

Not seeing anything of concern, Joshua straightened. He noted that the last two upper bunks contained Soonyoung and Wonwoo, facing one another. Joshua wondered if they had been conversing before falling asleep. 

With all the members accounted for and safely asleep, Joshua felt his lingering unease finally fade to a manageable level. 

Of course, the anxiety was still there. They were locked away, with no word or sign of the outside world. It was starting to get hard to tell how long the thirteen members of Seventeen had even been locked up. There were no windows to the room they were forced into after being kidnapped. All they had to go by were fretful sleeps separated by nervous wakefulness, never sure when their captors would open that door to hurt and terrify them.

Joshua shook the thoughts out of his mind. He was only working himself back up, continuing that way of thinking.

"Joshua," Jeonghan called out to him, "Come back to bed."

With a shake of his head, Joshua headed for the washroom. "I will in a bit," he replied. If Jeonghan had a response to that, Joshua didn't hear it as he clicked the door closed behind him. Immediately as he entered the cramped bathroom he ran into the sink. To the right was the toilet. On the wall to the left was the shower, an extension from the sink mounted about four feet off the floor. There was no lock on the door. Not that it would have provided any privacy, given the camera in the upper corner over the toilet. 

The invasion of privacy was the least of his worries, so he paid no mind as he stripped, throwing his clothes outside the door before he grabbed the shower from the wall and turned it on all the way to hot. It didn't help, the temperature not even reaching what could be described as lukewarm. Joshua wished he at least had a western style shower, so he could stand under the stream without having to hold the nozzle over his head. It got the job done though, cleansing Joshua of the sticky feeling of his skin, the claustrophobia of being contained against their will, of being surrounded by walls and boys and clothes and sweat. Right now it was just walls, water, white noise, and he closed his eyes and breathed, focusing on water alone. 

When he returned to the room, Jeonghan was asleep. Joshua dressed quietly, and took the opportunity to avoid heading back to bed, instead sitting across the room. From here everything seemed peaceful. 

He was vaguely reminded of being on some reality show, enduring a little bit of discomfort for the sake of entertainment. The ever watchful eye of cameras, trying to catch a little bit of the groups’ private lives. But this wasn't One Fine Day. 

The anxiety he had worked so hard on ridding himself of was seeping back in.

It was something deep in his chest that felt unclean.

Joshua didn't end up going back to sleep.

—

Joshua knew, felt it deep in the knot in his stomach, that they would see one of their captors again soon.

How long had it been since the last time they'd seen them? He didn't know, but he figured they were overdue, and someone would be here at any time. The apprehension set him on edge.

Jeonghan, when he had awoken, realized instantly that Joshua had not gone back to bed. He stared at Joshua from across the room, criticizing, but didn't say anything, even as Joshua started showing signs that everyone else started picking up on. 

Joshua kept wringing his hands together, constantly flicking his eyes between his members and the door. His chest heaved with heavy, strained breaths.

Various members kept coming over to him, sitting by his side, providing reassurance with their companionship (Vernon, Jihoon). Some merely with the bump of their arms together as they slide in beside him (Soonyoung, Wonwoo). An arm thrown around his shoulders (Seungcheol). Some grabbed one of his hands, stilling their movement, squeezing reassurances (Seungkwan, Chan). All but throwing himself into his lap (Jun, Seokmin).

But soon he'd be excusing himself, with "Just gotta stretch my legs" or "My back is getting sore" or "Bathroom," and then he'd begin pacing instead, until he’d wear himself out and find a new wall to sit against, to begin the cycle anew.

It wasn't until both Mingyu and Minghao came to him, together, whining "Hyung, could you come cuddle with us?" did he finally get a chance at sleep again. The two boys smiled knowingly at each other, and secretly gave Jeonghan thumbs up. There was no way their hyung could resist the request of two injured boys.

Not that Joshua was the only one they were all trying to give comfort to. As the hours dragged on, everyone was growing more nervous, apprehensive of what was to come, seeking and giving reassurance. Because what else really could they do?

Despite their anticipation, they were still unprepared when the door suddenly made a loud click, click, **click. **

Joshua reacted first, instantly jumping up from where he lay with the boys in bed. Throughout the room words died on lips, eyes wide, breath held. Frozen, staring in fear. 

Two men entered the room: the brute who had beaten Mingyu, and a man they had not seen before. The new man was foreign, sandy brown hair slicked back, dressed in a suit that matched his hair color. He grinned, spreading his arms wide. "Seventeen!” he greeted in mocking exuberance, “I am_ such _ a fan of you boys. I'm your number one carat!" He beamed at them, unphased by the dark scowls his declaration had caused. 

"I’m so sorry to have kept you boys waiting, but I only have need for one of you right now.” He scanned the room with his piercing blue eyes. “One of you lucky kids is to come with me," he continued, “And I’m even going to allow you all to choose–"

"I'll go!" Across the room Seungcheol stepped forward, raising a hand as he glared at the man. Seungkwan was at his side, hand clutched in the leader’s sleeve as he flashed his terrified gaze between Seuncheol and the sandy-haired man.

The man shook his head with a chuckle, hands resting on his hips. "Now now, let me finish!" He looked over the group, a dark twinkle in his eyes. "You all may choose who comes with me, but you may not volunteer yourself. Volunteer yourself if you'd like to be excluded." He looked over at Seungcheol, grin widening. "So you may sit down.”

Seungcheol’s eyes burned with fury, his hands clenched into shaking fists at his sides. 

“And don’t try to whisper to the person next to you to get them to nominate you.” He looked particularly at Soonyoung, who had tried just that with Vernon at his side. “That’s not how this game is played.”

Everyone was silent, casting glances towards everyone else in the room, unsure of what to do.

It was Minghao who finally spoke up, hesitant, fearful, as he clenched Mingyu’s hand on the bed between them. "What will you do with them?"

The man smiled, "We'll just have a little fun, is all,” he licked his lips, “A romp, if you will."

Joshua felt a cold shiver run down his spine. This couldn't possibly be happening.

The man clicked his tongue. "I'm being so kind by allowing you to choose. But if one of you doesn't make a decision, I will." His eyes scanned over the group, until they fell onto the one he was searching for. "I mean, I have my biases. Who doesn't, right?" He hummed walking into the room a few paces towards his target, "Why not start with the youngest? Huh, Dino?" 

Chan was sitting on one of the bunks, between Jihoon and Jun. His eyes widened, and Jihoon immediately reached for his hand, while Jun stood to put himself between the younger boy and the man's gaze.

Joshua panicked, knowing they needed to make a decision. He looked away from the trio, trying to find a way to save the young dancer. 

As he scanned the others, he instinctively met the eyes of Jeonghan. The older boy was staring at him. Joshua found himself caught by that gaze. 

Ever so subtly, Jeonghan nodded his head.

Breath hitching, Joshua opened his mouth to protest. The words caught in his throat, and he swallowed deeply. 

"Jeonghan," Joshua heard himself say, looking over at the man as he heard the others gasp. "I volunteer Jeonghan."

The man grinned, arms widening once again. "Wonderful choice, Joshua!" He spun around, looking to Jeonghan and holding out his hand, "Jeonghan, if you'd come with me."

Jeonghan pressed his lips together and stood, glaring as he walked up to the man without bowing his head in shame or fear. The man grasped him around the waist, hand sliding into the gap between Jeonghan’s shirt and pants. Jeonghan flinched. The man laughed. And as he escorted him from the room, his accomplice following, they heard him purr into Jeonghan’s ear, “Oh, we’re going to have so much fun. You’re going to _ love _it.” The door closed with a heavy thud and the click, click, click of deadbolts.

The room instantly exploded in noise. Chan leapt from the bed and rushed to Joshua, grabbing him by the shoulders with a jolt. "What did you do?!" he screamed, his voice high pitched, on the edge of hysterics. "How could you?!"

Joshua merely stared, mouth open, saying nothing. His eyes were glazed, unfocused, still lingering on the closed door.

Jihoon had followed Chan's leap across the room, gently trying to pull Chan’s hands away. But he didn't say anything at first, avoiding looking at Joshua. 

"Chan," he finally said, placing a hand on his back instead, "You need to calm down. It's not Joshua's fault."

With a gasp Chan turned to him, but his grip held on strong. "What the hell are you saying?!" he shrieked. He was shaking, obviously barely holding himself together. "They would've taken me!” He inhaled, shakily, and then screamed, “I don't need to be protected!"

“CHAN!” Soonyoung roared as he stormed over, grabbing his hands more forcefully than Jihoon had to remove them from Joshua. Chan tried to pull his hands from Soonyoung's grip, but the performance leader held fast. Soonyoung looked at him with a steady gaze, a terrifying dissonance from the growl in his voice. "You don’t get to _ fucking _ say that. And don't you _ dare _ say it when Jeonghan gets back. I will never forgive you if you do."

Chan eyes were shining with unshed tears, but he refused to let him fall, blinking wildly to hold them back. It was a losing battle.

Soonyoung’s expression softened, and he rubbed his thumbs over the backs Chan’s hands. "There was no way in hell we would have let them take you."

The first tear fell, and the rest followed one by one until they were streaming down his cheeks. 

"He didn't need to betray Jeonghan hyung," he finally choked out with a strangled sob.

“Rely on your hyungs,” Jihoon spoke once again, softly. "We would never let them hurt you."

At this point Seungcheol came over too, placing a hand on Chan's head. The boy shifted his gaze to their leader, whose expression was grim. He looked like he was about to be sick, but was powering through the nausea. "This was my fault," Seungcheol said, "I was too rash, and they used that to keep me from being the one to go." He ruffled his hand in Chan's hair, then let go, moving on to Joshua.

Joshua had yet to move after being released, and no one had moved forward to be with him, stunned by what had transpired and by Chan's outrage. Minghao had started to reach out to him from his spot on the bed, but had pulled back, his hand frozen in the air by his chest. 

Seungcheol placed a hand on Joshua's shoulder. "Jeonghan told you, didn't he? To choose him."

Joshua's gaze had fallen to the floor, and at these words he turned sharply away. Suddenly he was trembling uncontrollably, his face draining of colour. "I-I don't..." He choked out, backing away from Seungcheol as he withdrew into himself. "I didn't– " he slapped a hand over his mouth, dodging his leader's outstretched grasp as he bolted for the washroom, slamming the door behind him as the sound of retching began. The bathroom did not have a lock on the door. But no one followed Joshua in, to comfort or help. 

What could they do for him, really? 

Seungcheol exhaled a shaky breath, making his way towards a wall and sinking against it, head in his hands.

Chan had watched the exchange in stunned silence, and now that it was over he remained so, his shaking reduced to a less violent shiver. His tears had stopped, leaving his cheeks stained. Jihoon lead Chan back to the bunk, where Jun took him into his arms with Seungkwan, who had already taken refuge there after being left behind by Seungcheol.

Across the room, Seokmin had started crying. He had been with Jeonghan, and was now alone. Vernon went to him, wrapping his arms around Seokmin’s shuddering form. Soonyoung went to Seokmin’s other side, wrapping his own arms around Seokmin from behind.

Minghao had finally unfrozen and now he and Mingyu were crying quietly together.

Wonwoo made his way to Seungcheol, sinking next to him on the floor, shoulder to shoulder. He licked his lips, which were chapped and cracking, dehydrated. "He'll be okay," he whispered.

A short, hollow laugh escaped Seungcheol's lips. "Which one? I'm the leader and the oldest, and yet I haven't protected any of you from this. Jeonghan's with them. Joshua's sick with guilt. And I'm here, doing nothing." He covered his face with his hands. A shudder went through him. "I don't know what to do." 

Wonwoo didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything.

Everyone sat like this for a long while, time standing still. Eventually Joshua exited the bathroom, avoiding the gazes that came his way. He walked to the wall furthest from everyone else, and sunk down against it, resting his head against his knees and clenching his hands together against his chest. 

Perhaps someone should have gone to him. 

But they didn't.

The minutes dragged on. Someone got up and went to the bathroom. When they exited, Wonwoo entered next, stopping them briefly, but if any words were exchanged they were too quiet to hear. They went their separate ways, the person going to a separate bunk from the others to be alone. 

It was hard to tell exactly how much time was passing. They had never been split from one another like this thus far.

It was a long, agonizing wait. 

—

> _ Before they separated, he had pulled him close, a low hiss in his ear. “When the time comes, I’m the one you need to volunteer.” Why? _
> 
> _ “I’m next oldest, so it has to be me,” the next one whispered, near silent, so the others couldn’t hear. Such a stupid reason. _
> 
> _ Later, intercepted. “I… I’m strong enough to handle it.” A liar. _
> 
> _ He didn’t reply to any of them, merely kept his mouth set in a thin line, eyes cast to the ground. They each in turn took his silence for confirmation and left it at that. He shuddered, and closed his eyes to it all. _


	2. Chapter 2

Click, click, click.

When the door finally wrenched open once again, the boys all jolted to attention in shock and anticipation. The sandy-haired man entered, Jeonghan with him. He was limp like a doll, head lolling, no longer raised in defiance. His eyes were open, dull and weary. The man tossed him into the room, where he stumbled and fell to the ground with a strangled groan. Everyone was wary, rising to go to him, but held back by fear.

Grinning, the man laughed. "That was a great choice!" He looked to Joshua, whose expression was horrified, half standing to race towards Jeonghan's side, but frozen by the man's gaze. "I look forward to who you choose next!" He gaze was wistful, mocking. He chuckled.

It was a tense moment as he left the room, where the only sound they heard was the click, click, click of the deadbolts.

At the final click Chan leapt from the bed, escaping the others' clutches as he ran for Jeonghan's prone form. Seokmin was closer, and had immediately cradled Jeonghan against himself while Chan let loose his tears as he buried his face into Jeonghan’s chest.

Jeonghan stirred from his dazed state, smiling as he comforted the crying boys. "It's okay. I'm okay. We’re okay." He repeated the mantra as the two boys cried. The two younger ones ended up being consoled by their hyung, rather than the other way around, as they intended. That realization only made them cry harder.

The rest of the boys around the room breathed a collective sigh. Maybe things were still okay. Maybe they could make it through this, if Jeonghan was still alright after what he’d had to go through.

Seokmin tried to grab Jeonghan's hand in his own. To reassure. To hold.

With a flinch Jeonghan pulled away, shuddering as he escaped Seokmin's grasp and elbowed Chan away from him. He pulled his hands near his chest, clutching them into tight fists. He wouldn't look either boy in the eye. 

"Please don't touch me right now." The two boys' eyes widened, hurt and confused. "I-I need to… shower," Jeonghan continued, his entire body shaking as he struggled to his feet without the use of his shaking hands. 

Seungcheol was at his side instantly, leaning Jeonghan’s frail body against his own. He held Jeonghan against him as he helped him limp into the washroom. 

Seokmin and Chan stared after them until they'd entered. Once gone, the two curled into themselves and cried.

Throughout the room, others began to cry as well. 

Things weren’t okay at all.

—

Jeonghan pulled himself away from Seungcheol, leaning heavily against the sink. He reached for the faucet, but hesitated, a frustrated huff escaping his throat. Seuncheol leaned forward to turn on the water, and Jeonghan finally washed his hands, running soap all the way up his arms. When he finished he held himself against the vanity, hands gripping the edge, head bowed. 

"Jeonghan, let me help you," Seungcheol offered, but he hesitated, not sure exactly what he should do.

Jeonghan shook his head, gathering himself enough to push away, towards the toilet. He braced his hand against the wall, then reached the other forward to the seat so he could crumble to his knees in front of the bowl. Shuddering, Jeonghan brought his hand from the wall to his mouth, clenching all but two of his fingers. He stopped, eyes focused heavily on his hand. "Please don't look," he whispered, refusing to look up. 

As he realized what Jeonghan didn't want him to see, Seungcheol felt his stomach sink.

"And I can shower by myself," Jeonghan continued, "You can wait outside, if you want," He didn't look the leader in the eye. He had somehow suppressed his shaking, preparing to force himself to throw up with terrifying calm.

Seungcheol quit hesitating and knelt next down, reaching over to grab Jeonghan's clenched hand in his own. He squeezed it, willing the other boy to look towards him, and said, "You don't have to be strong for me. Please rely on your hyung." He brought him closer, an awkward hug as Jeonghan refused to turn his body towards him. Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you from this."

Jeonghan leaned his head against Seungcheol's shirt. "I wouldn't wish that on any of you. Next time, volunteer me again. Please–" He broke then, a loud, anguished scream of pain and fear. "Please don't let them hurt the others! I couldn't live with myself!" He screamed, curling in on himself within Seungcheol's arms. 

Not knowing what else he could do, but having promised to be strong, Seungcheol held Jeonghan close and willed himself not to cry.

—

Outside the bathroom door Joshua stood frozen, hand hovering over the knob. The screams from the other side were clear, and Joshua knew he was to blame. A wave of nausea hit him, and he threw a hand over his mouth, pushing himself away from the door as he crumpled into a heap, breathing heavily through his nose to keep himself from throwing up. 

Wonwoo was suddenly at his side, tracing circles around his back. Seungkwan and Minghao ran to him from their positions across the room, Seungkwan throwing himself around Joshua's heaving shoulders. "Hyung, it's not your fault." He choked, suppressing his sobs, "It's not your fault." 

Minghao hovered, before deciding to simply kneel in front of them, not wanting to overcrowd Joshua in his frantic state. He felt ashamed, that they’d all left him alone until he reached the breaking point. Guilty, that earlier he hadn’t reached out to Joshua properly.

Minghao turned his gaze across the room, where Chan now clung to Seokmin, staring back with wide, teary eyes. Chan tried to look away, but Minghao held fast. Slowly Chan pushed away from Seokmin, standing up on wobbly legs. He made his way over to them, and Minghao rose to meet him, grabbing his hands in his own. They met eyes, and Minghao whispered, "It's not Joshua-hyung's fault, and it's not yours either." 

Chan bowed his head, leaning it into Minghao's shoulder. "But Jeonghan-hyung didn't deserve this."

"He would have taken the place of any of us," Jihoon said, having walked over to them. "Jeonghan would have taken the place of any of his dongsaengs. And even Seungcheol’s place as well." He turned his gaze towards Joshua, whose breaths had evened out as he buried a fist in Seungkwan's shirt, the other a fist against his lips. From behind him, the sound of running water indicated Jeonghan was showering with Seungcheol's assistance. 

Chan stepped away from Minghao, kneeling next to Joshua. "Hyung," he whispered, hesitantly reaching for him. 

Joshua sniffled, but didn't look up from behind his scuffed knuckles, from where he'd forced back screams and bile. Chan reached for the hand, wrapping his own around it. "I'm sorry I blamed you," Chan said, "This isn't your fault."

Joshua sobbed aloud, now that his fist wasn't against his lips. Chan pulled him forward, away from Wonwoo's steady hand and Seungkwan's soft embrace. He wrapped his own arms around him now, making his own pattern on Joshua’s shaking back. 

Wonwoo stood, walking away while trying to hide that he was rubbing at his eyes. Minghao joined his side, guiding him over to the bunk beds and Mingyu. Jun moved to join them, wrapping Wonwoo against his side.

Jihoon helped Seungkwan up, holding his hand as he lead them over to gather up Seokmin between them. Soonyoung and Vernon joined their huddle, sniffling.

Chan and Joshua were left alone outside the bathroom door, the dongsaeng comforting his hyung. 

When the bathroom door opened, Seungcheol nearly stepped on them. The two boys turned their desperate gazes to his side, where Jeonghan leaned heavily against him. 

Joshua leapt to his feet, Chan following just as swiftly. Joshua reached forward to Jeonghan before recoiling his hand as though burned. "I'm sorry!" he choked out, sobbing once again. “I’ll go next please forgive me I’ll–!”

Jeonghan reached for him, taking him into his arms. "Shh, shh, I'm the one that ought to apologize.” He rubbed his hand through Joshua’s hair, who shook his head into his shoulder. “I chose you to pick me. Don't blame yourself for what they've done. I won’t let them hurt you. Shh Joshua, shh, shh."

He continued his shushing, a mantra against Joshua’s breakdown.

Between the two of them they had no strength to hold one another up, both their legs giving out under them as they sank to the floor.

“Hyung,” Chan sniffled, hesitant on if he was allowed to join. Jeonghan smiled over Joshua’s shuddering back, reaching a hand toward the maknae to accept him into their pile. Chan fell to his knees and buried himself into Jeonghan’s other shoulder. Jeonghan sighed, running his hands over the heads of both shuddering forms. 

He raised his gaze once more, searching for Seokmin. He found the boy staring from the center of his group of support. Jeonghan reached a hand out to him.

Seokmin broke from the others, eyes shining as he grabbed Jeonghan’s hand and melted down to join their pile. 

“I'm sorry I pushed you away earlier,” Jeonghan whispered to him.

Seokmin smiled, a bright beacon through his tears. “Don't worry about it; I won't let you do it again.”

Jeonghan tried to blink away his own tears. "Thank you."

Seungcheol slipped away, and gratefully took Seokmin’s place in the larger group cuddle pile. Once hidden within it, he let his own tears fall, silently. The arms of the other members held him, giving him their support and love.

Despite the horrible thing that had happened, they were all together once again.

As long as they were together, they could pretend that everything was okay.

—

Everyone gave Chan, Seokmin, and Joshua their time to Jeonghan's undivided attention, and eventually tears fell away to whispers, and whispers developed to talking about whatever nonsense they wished. A distraction from their harsh reality.

Chan had calmed considerably, pulling away from Jeonghan's shoulder so he could explain his ideas for future music. Seokmin chimed in with his own ideas, and they excitedly developed their ideas with Jeonghan's approval. How much of this was real song production and how much was simply noise to fill in the gaps was inconsequential. The illusion of normalcy was a welcome relief, and they drank it in.

All of them but Joshua, who had fallen asleep, nodding off against Jeonghan's shoulder, cheeks stained, his arms wrapped around Jeonghan’s neck.

How long they discussed these potential musical endeavours was unclear. It might have been an hour, or possibly more. Either way, eventually Mingyu sheepishly wandered over, bowing slightly and apologizing for interrupting, as he asked if he could slip by them to use the washroom.

Their group was shocked, having forgotten they had settled into the space just outside the bathroom door. 

Jeonghan laughed.

“Aish, what are we doing?” He complained good naturedly, “Let’s get out of here so Mingyu can piss in peace!”

Mingyu flushed, but smiled at him in relief.

Chan and Seokmin stood easily, but Jeonghan stopped them as they moved to pry Joshua off of him.

“Help me up,” he requested, wrapping his arms beneath Joshua’s bottom and holding him close. 

“But hyung,” they tried to protest.

Seungcheol had made his way over to help, shaking his head at Jeonghan’s stubbornness. But he didn’t say anything about it as he got Mingyu, Seokmin, and Chan’s help hoisting Jeonghan to his feet. He then assisted carefully leading him and Joshua somewhere more comfortable. They made their way to one of the bunks, where Jeonghan positioned himself against the wall and leaned back with Joshua still wrapped in his arms.

Mingyu finally left them to claim the bathroom for himself.

Now that the moment between Jeonghan, Chan, and Seokmin had been broken, the rest of the group wanted a chance to see Jeonghan, to hug and reassure and give their love. One by one everyone made their way over to have a chance to take their turn joining the cuddle pile.

The remaining vocal members took first dibs. Seungkwan came first to hug Jeonghan closely, sniffing all the while. He was followed by Jihoon, who sat near the foot of the bed while Seungkwan had his moment. When Seungkwan finally relented his hold and retreated back to another bunk, Jihoon stood to give Jeonghan a hug himself.

> _ As their arms wrapped around each other, his grip tightened as he murmured gently in his ear. _
> 
> _ “I’m okay,” he promised, “I won’t let them hurt the rest of you. I’m okay.” _
> 
> _ He swallowed deeply, once again staying silent. He knew what his hyung was saying, even though the main point was left unsaid. _
> 
> _ As he lowered his gaze, he thought he saw the sleeping boy stiffen. The whimper that met his ears might have been his imagination. _
> 
> _ Or it might have come from his own throat. _
> 
> _ He didn’t know anymore. _
> 
> _ He closed his eyes. _

—

Jeonghan joined Joshua in sleep, their arms still wrapped around each other. They were on the bunk at the end closest to the corner now, the most secluded and quiet spot. The two center bunks were empty. The fourth had a few boys sitting on or against it, facing into the room where the rest of them huddled either against the walls or in the open space on the floor.

Seungcheol draped another blanket over the two sleeping boys. He then turned and walked back towards the others, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. He closed his eyes, gathering his courage.

"I need you guys to listen to me," he opened his eyes, gaze steady with resolve. "When that man comes again, volunteer me." 

Everyone at once spoke in protest, a chorus of "No!" and "Hyung!" 

> _ Jihoon was silent, realizing that Seungcheol was staring at him in particular when he said it. _
> 
> _ He stared back at him. _

Seuncheol began to elaborate, to bring the others around to his side. "I'm the oldest, it's my job to protect all of you–" 

"Are you kidding me!" Soonyoung had stood up, drawing everyone's attention. "Seungcheol, you need to be our leader, we need you to be here and unhurt and keeping us all together." He slapped a hand to his chest, declaring, “I should go next.”

At this Jun spoke up. "You're one of the leaders too, doesn't the same apply to you?” He narrowed his gaze, showing his resolve. “I’ll go." 

“Should it not be someone more mature?” Wonwoo interjected, frowning at Jun.

The younger members all looked to one another fearfully, the conversation making goosebumps rise on their skin and their breath catch in the back of their throats. Someone whimpered.

"Since I’m the oldest–"

"Since you’re the leader–"

“I’m more expendable–”

“I can handle it–”

"You guys really don't get it, do you?" 

Everyone turned to stare at Jihoon, who glared at the bickering group. 

"All of you are trying to figure out how to stop this from happening again, volunteering to be our sacrifice, as though Jeonghan-hyung didn't do the same himself. But it's not going to be like that. They got what they wanted," he gestured angrily to where the two boys were sleeping. "They got to break us by making us part of their sick game. Joshua's worse off than Jeonghan at this point, though Jeonghan will probably break once he's over the shock and what happened to him sinks in." Jihoon shook his head. "We've been had. There's no hope here. All they did was reveal that this is one more way that they're willing to hurt us. Next time they come, all of us need to be prepared. Whether we get to choose is on their whims. If they come and demand someone specifically, we have no say in the matter." 

Seungcheol tried to intervene. "But if we do get to choose–"

Jihoon turned his gaze down, his voice lowering. "Do you know how many of you have already come to me, telling me to pick you when the time comes? Even after seeing how it broke Joshua?" He shuddered, bringing his palms up to press on his eyes. "You guys are so cruel. I can't possibly make that call.” His voice lowered even more, now barely louder than a whisper, like he didn’t mean to say this final part aloud. “To choose who should be _ raped." _

Next to him, his hyungs all looked guilty. Seungcheol lowered his head, deflated, ashamed.

The air was heavy from his words, as everyone realized Jihoon was right. The first to cry was Vernon, an angry sob punctuated with an emotional "Fuck!"

As though on cue, a sudden noise froze them. Eyes widened, breaths held. 

Click.

Click.

**Click.**

—

"Jeonghan?" Joshua whimpered as awoke with a start. He looked around, trying to get his bearings. 

"Shua?"

Joshua jumped, searching for the source of the voice, heart thumping wildly in his chest. He saw Jeonghan staring down at him from an upper bunk. He stumbled out of bed, staring at Jeonghan, eyes shining, sleepy and confused. Cautiously, voice cracking, he asked him, "Are you okay?" 

Jeonghan reached forward, brushing his hand against Joshua's forehead. 

"What are you talking about, Shua? I'm as good as I can be... Did you have a bad dream?" 

Taking a deep breath, Joshua tried to calm his racing heart. 

"I can't remember..."

The dream he had awoken from had already faded from his mind, leaving only the anxious clench in his chest. 

Something deep within that felt unclean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> This fic would not exist without the inspiration I gained from elenoe1's fic ["We'll get through this together"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476467/chapters/38586017). They had a bit of a hiatus between chapters 4 and 5, and this work is what developed in my mind as I anticipated their next update. Though my work refers to theirs, mine is merely a derivative as an impatient fan. Please give their work a read and give them support!
> 
> Also, the words Jeonghan says to Chan and Seokmin ("It's okay. I'm okay. We’re okay.") are a direct reference to a line in elenoe1's fic (“It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’ve got you”), just fyi. Just thought I would mention because it's such a good line! Ahh!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! Ask me about the details I ended up leaving out lol I want to spill my thoughts!


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